A Trip Into The Infinite Abyss: On Letting Go
The moon was full and still hanging over the city when I disappeared into the night. I felt the lights, the noise, and the skyscrapers moving further away from me; or perhaps, I was leaving them. I’d listened to the same song on repeat nearly 10 times, which is a pretty proud feat for 4 AM. For the first time, in a very long time, it felt like I was leaving nothing. I had nothing left to run from. I was just leaving, disappearing into the night. And I desperately needed to go. I love the city, it’s my home, it owns my heart, but sometimes you need to vanish…
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Last Saturday night, during winter storm Jonas, I watched Lola Versus in the company of my two dogs. I used to fantasize about nights like that. For so long, I was always “with someone” and, every now and then, I just wanted to be alone; and I always felt guilty for wanting that. Saturn Return If you haven’t seen the movie, it opens with a discussion about the Saturn Return. Somewhere around our 29th birthday, Saturn makes its first full orbit since our birth. This is believed to be a growing period, a rebirth of sorts, the true crossing point between adolescence and adulthood. Since I’m two weeks shy of my 29th birthday, and…
